Soapsuds dishes the dirt on Corrie and Enders

Nice purple eyeshadow Clur was wearing for her coma on Coronation Street , wasn't it?

But we're not surprised that, once she woke up, she kept flopping back down on the bed and looking like she'd rather be back in la-la land again.

And we don't think it was just Ashley reassuring her that, when she came round, she'd get a "big kiss off Lloyd and Eileen " that put her off.

Having suffered some very below-par episodes of Coronation Street these past few weeks, we know just how she feels.

And at first, we really didn't think another Random Peacock Crisis No: 274, plus close-ups of Norris's bunioned feet was going to improve matters overmuch.

And they went from bad to worse as that mystery Irish cow turned up to nag Maria for being a tart (not that she hasn't got a point, mind you).

What happened to Liam's (the older, dead one) loveable old mum?

Old Helen LOVED Maria and would never have said anything so cruel and shrewish to the gullible widow. If they had to change the actress, at least they could have left her with some remnants of her former personality.

Or will just anyone with a vaguely Irish accent do? Next visit, will it be Barry and Dana descending on the Connor house? The one after that, Barry and Mrs Doyle off Father Ted ("Now mind you take us to get that baby registered, Maria. Go ahn, go ahn, go ahn, go ahn, go ahn...").

Still, the hilarious events in the Rita Tushingham Community Centre proved just the tonic. It was Corrie at its brilliant best.

Poor Peter was forced to his Alcoholics Anonymous meeting flanked by Barlows on every side.

We could see Blanche revving up the engines throughout episode one and, sure enough, by the end of the meeting, she'd publicly outed poor Ken as a philanderer, regaling everyone about his affair with an actress who lived on a "tugboat". Sorry Ken, we mean barge.

If you missed Monday's episode, you should definitely catch it on ITV Player. Go ahn, go ahn, go ahn, go ahn. As Helen might say.

On EastEnders , the mysterious stranger who has been wandering unexplained into various episodes for many weeks now was finally revealed as Whitney's brother.

That's the same thing they did with Danielle (sob) isn't it? She wandered around mysteriously for what seemed like months before finally being revealed as Ronnie's daughter.

That young geezer with the wonky face also wandered around a bit before being revealed as Bobby Davro's son too.

Indeed, you'd be better off ignoring the action taking place in the foreground – it's generally about Stacey these days, so you won't be missing much – and trying to spot which background character is going to be revealed as a close relative of a major figure, past or present.

Our money is on Tracey from the pub turning out to be Lofty and Shell's secret love child.

Next week, more intrigue with Christian and Syed. Hooray. And Libby gets a letter she wasn't expecting. Boo.