Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question
OH Anna Soubry, Conservative MP for Broxtowe, we wait ages for one of your morsels of wisdom and then suddenly, you treat us to second helpings.
Why, Minister, you are truly spoiling us!
Fork up this nugget for starters: Ms Soubry says obesity in deprived areas is a "heartbreaking fact". Or, to serve it up in short rations: poor folk are fat.
I don't actually think she could have made a more sweeping statement, or been more insulting if she tried. No well-upholstered sorts in Westminster, are there, eh Anna?
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In the world of Soubry, the under-privileged are overweight because of the "abundance of bad food" available. Tut, tut, you naughty food, how dare you be all that some can afford?
While you're chewing that choice titbit over, do leave room for further relish.
Now, for your main, may I tempt you with a Soubry special? Eating lunch at your work desk is "disgusting".
Soubry, the Minister for Health says we should "take time out to have a meal... enjoy what you're eating."
I'm afraid the party's over, no more troughing a butty and a jumbo bag of Monster Munch at your workstation.
Well done, Anna, you've virtually completed the smooth transition of this nanny state into a spoon-fed one too.
No matter if your workload is colossal or you've got things to do on your lunch break. You silly thing, you should be sitting down and savouring something gourmet. No eating on the hoof allowed (and I don't mean horse-burgers).
Meanwhile, Ms Soubry's endearingly Enid Blytonesque concept of lashings of spiffing stuff for lunch has gone off the boil.
Time is money and lunch ain't cheap. Which brings us back to the first point: Anna and her propensity of obese, socially deprived people. To anyone who scoffs, saying it's inexpensive to eat healthily – that's food fighting talk.
Constantly chasing reduced items and rigorous meal-planning is a skill not everyone has. The only thing being consumed is time, making healthy eating the antithesis of convenience meals.
And Soubry's half-baked concept has all the common sense of a Pot Noodle.
In my day, I've been spectacularly poor and I know when you're down to your last few coins that health goes out the window. Food for a fortnight? Or just the one healthy meal? Which would you and your family rather have?
I suggest Ms Soubry gnaws on a big, dollop of realism. Yes, obesity needs tackling, but it can't be categorised by class alone. Poverty is the issue here. And Soubry's attitude is altogether unappetising.
Her theory looses weight with this observance: Mid-week, I was out and about in one of Nottingham's most affluent areas when who did I spot? A great, big rotund fellow, revelling in his corpulent girth right there in one of the poshest homes and gardens I've seen for a long time.
Here was a great big fatty, yet, confusingly, he had a healthy carrot on the go. Admittedly, it was for his nose, and yes, he was a snowman, however, you've got to admire his cheek in getting one over on the MP – revenge is after all, a dish best served cold.