Glastonbury BBC3, BBC2 and BBC 4, from 7pm

Of course, watching it on the telly is never going to be quite as good as actually being there (there's so much more going on than just music, for one thing).

But it's still worth tuning in for a peek at this year's stellar line-up – which includes Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, Blur and, erm, Status Quo.

And at least by staying at home and watching it on the box, you've put yourself at slightly less risk of catching dysentery from the open cesspit, sorry, public toilets on-site.

The Secret Caribbean with Trevor McDonald ITV1, 8pm

All shows with Trevor McDonald are now legally required to contain the words "with Trevor McDonald" in the title. It saves a lot of confusion.

Here, our genial hero gets a free gig exploring Cuba, Trinidad, Montserrat, Jamaica and Necker Island on our behalf. Truly this man is a saint.

On Thin Ice BBC2, 9pm

Shameless show-offs Ben Fogle and James Cracknell return with another spiffing Boy's Own adventure.

This time the intrepid pair are off to Antarctica to retrace Captain Scott's steps in an arduous new race (against lots of other equally butch teams) for the South Pole.

Posh Ben nearly didn't make this epic trip after catching a flesh eating bug in South America last year. His wife also had a miscarriage just days before he left. But nothing was going to stop our Ben chasing his dream. Yep. Selfish git.

Conspiracy Files: 7/7 BBC2, 9pm

Controversial and rather dubiously scheduled documentary exploring the theory that the 7/7 suicide bombers were framed by the British Government for the terrorist attack four years ago. Poppycock? You decide.

The Da Vinci Shroud Five, 8pm

Oh yes, now this is more like it. One of Five's ultra-daft investigative documentaries. Bring it on.

You might recall that 20 years ago, carbon dating showed the famous Turin Shroud to be a fake. This show claims to reveal who might have actually made the counterfeit.

Hint – the clue is in the title.

Question Time BBC1, 10.35pm

Which important political figure of the day do you think they've chosen to join the panel for this week's topical debate show?

That's right. Jarvis Cocker from 90s pop group Pulp, of course.

How have we survived so long without his input?

Next week, Timmy Mallet.