Family: Father battles to see 'vanished' children
BRIAN (not his real name) isn't usually the kind of man to show his emotions.
But the sight of a dad and his daughter now reduces him to tears because it's nearly three months since Brian last saw his children – but not by choice.
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Fight: Brian is battling through the courts for access to his children, who were taken by his wife.
He returned to his Notts home one day to find his wife and three children gone.
No warning, no message, nothing.
Brian and his wife had talked about separating at the beginning of this year and she had suggested joint custody.
So their sudden departure came as an enormous shock.
Brian, 50, is now battling through the courts for access to his children.
Brian, who met his wife while working abroad and married her in 2002, has a son, daughter and stepson, all under the age of 11.
While his relationship with his stepson was shaky, he said he couldn't have had a better bond with the other two.
"When my son realised what was going on he said: 'When you and mum have different homes can I live with you'?
"My daughter is a little princess. I was very very close to both of them."
It's not just his relationship with the children that's at risk, he says.
He's concerned about them missing their school friends and the relationships with their teachers. His wife claims he is guilty of physical and emotional abuse while he has made a counterclaim that he is the victim of her domestic abuse.
"People who know about it are shocked and can't believe she is making these allegations. I can't understand why she has done it," said Brian.
There have been three court hearings at which his wife was ordered not to take the children out of the country and to surrender their passports.
Last time, the judge ordered a finding of fact inquiry by the police and his wife has to make a statement laying out the details of her allegations ready for the next hearing in June.
Brian says: "I genuinely feel what has happened will have a detrimental effect on the children. They have been uprooted, not just from me but from their school and their friends."
Brian, who is fighting for full residency, said: "I haven't been able to work since it happened. I have been to the doctors. I am unable to sleep. I have been referred for counselling have been signed off sick with depressive illness."
Brian's solicitor has requested access at a contact centre but that has been refused by the court at this stage.
He is worried that during the time he is absent, the children will turn against him.
"The longer it goes on, the greater my fear," he says.
Notts social services confirmed that he has been in contact with them, asking where the children are.
A spokeswoman said: "All we are able to tell him is that the children are safe and well.
"We have told him he needs to seek legal advice. Social services are not investigating."
Brian is being supported by the campaign group Families Need Fathers.
The Post was unable to contact the mother.
To contact Families Need Fathers, e-mail info@nottingham.fnf.org.uk or call 07788 452271 or 0115 9107581.
lynette.pinchess@nottinghameveningpost.co.uk
5 Comments
by Earl Manvers, Nottingham
Sunday, May 16 2010, 12:58PM
“I would never totally expect any kind of group of any sort to be blameless. However, I have had so many more dealings with Social Services where it is more often a case of legal constraints, time, balance of probability and risk that forces them to make apparently wrong decisions.
Social Services also do not have some huge remit to right all wrongs and are working to very tightly controlled specific tasks.
I have also got to say that the lies and incompetence in this group are not certainly as common as is often suggested.”
by shakeydave1, nottm
Saturday, May 15 2010, 2:58AM
“Earl: Can't speak for mg, but i know that in the eyes of the social services the fact that a woman had made a claim of assault the man must be guilty. Having made that stance, they refuse to be moved from it. I could go into details of my case, but think a friends (R) story makes a stronger point. His ex and her partner/pimp are heroin addicts, who cannot cope with his daughter, They attacked R for drug money, but came off worse. He has now been bared from seeing his girl by S S. on mums say so, yet refuse to act or visit when dad complains and never have any records, of past calls.
Sorry Earl, there may be some good ones out there, but If you have had dealings with S S you will know they do lie, and the first person they protect is themselves.”
by Earl Manvers, Nottinngham
Friday, May 14 2010, 6:53PM
“Sorry to hear about you experiences mg. However, it is not really a plausible statement to suggest that Social Workers "scheme" and "lie" to get their own way.
I am not sure how you believe a Social Worker was responsible for the actions of a dog.”
by shakeydave1, Nottm
Friday, May 14 2010, 1:40PM
“Totally agree with MG. It appears that Women are being led into accusing the Ex of abuse, for financial gain. I know of at least 4 cases.
Having proved in court that there was no case to answer, and my ex had lied, social services still took her side. 2 years after leaving our son with me and signing a agreement that he should live with me, my ex kidnapped him, but despite having a court order, it was me the police were going to arrest. the court welfare refused to put any comment about her new partners violent behaivior towards me his wife and others, or the lies her family had said about me. They stated that everyone tells lies when they go to court.!! At the end the judge stated that he didnt want to waste time on the case! my ex had burst into tears, and he accused me of being unreasonable. I wrote to complain about the police and court welfare. the police lost the details, and after pushing i got ops sorry a year later. after 6 months welfare said that as i had not filled in an official complaint form they were no longer bothered. In the end, i had our son every weekend Fri after school till Sunday evening as he would get in her way.... but she could still screew me for money.”
by mg, st ann's
Friday, May 14 2010, 10:00AM
“the nottinghamshire social services, the police, the courts are all a shambles as far as parental rights go to the father of children, the mother ALWAYS has preference even when she may well be evil and hiding things from the authorities, I have had dealings with the nottinghamshire social services and they lie, cover up, scheme do anything to prove that they are right, I have a grandchild who is now scarred for life on his face after being bitten by a dog for the second time because the nottinghamshire social services had to be right! caffcass also are a joke, as are the police in these matters. if anyone from the post would like to contact me I have proof. see if you can sort out the mess these socalled professionals make of some peoples lives! dare you or not?”