I CAN'T help but notice that the sort of journalism you guys really like is the stuff where polar bears or ice floes do their thing while a British national treasure intones something about how This … is the Antarctic.

I want a piece of that.

So in lieu of your normal Monday column, I today am pleased to present Your Natural Notts in Nature.

We couldn't afford Stephen Fry or an Attenborough, so please imagine this column being read by one of them. Or Su Pollard.

And now, let's have those science questions. For This … is Gedling.

Q) Gedling?

A) Oh yes. A rough-legged buzzard has been spotted there.

Q) Don't be vulgar.

A) No no, I'm talking about an actual bird.

Q) I'm sure you are, but there's no need to be insulting.

A) Listen you. The rough-legged buzzard is a rarely-seen migratory bird from Scandinavia, and one of them has stopped off at Gedling Pit Top rather than flying south.

Q) Ah, I see. Any reason why?

A) In actual fact, Gedling Pit Top is a lovely nature spot. The Gedling Conservation Trust, Gedling Borough Council and MP Vernon Coaker want it designated a nature reserve.

Vernon told the Post that "the fact that this bird is there is another example of this wildlife jewel in the crown on our doorstep".

Q) A doorstep seems like a poor place to keep a crown.

A) It does, doesn't it.

Q) I'm sure Gedling Pit Top is lovely, but there are plenty of lovely green spaces all over England where the rough-legged buzzard could have stopped. Why Notts?

A) There's a number of working theories. I suspect that since the rough-legged buzzard has worked hard to get here in the first place, and since it is what we in the science community call an animal that was "whomped upside the head with an ugly stick", it appreciates how it doesn't have to go out much in Notts since we're so unsociable.

Q) I beg your pardon? I left the house just the other week.

A) Well done. Apparently though, that doesn't happen in Nottingham as much as in other places. Website CitySocialising did a survey that found Nottingham to be one of the least sociable cities in the UK. Apparently we attend far fewer social events than people in places like Cardiff or Newcastle.

Q) Maybe people in Newcastle or Cardiff are just much more unpleasant and are always looking for some excuse to get out of the house and away from their loved ones.

A) Good theory. Anyway, it is my considered scientific opinion that the rough-legged buzzard just wants to be left alone and was looking for a place where people prefer to sit in with a cuppa.

Q) He'll be welcome here then. Is there anything I can do to make the rough-legged buzzard feel welcome?

A) Well, you could head out to Gedling Pit Top with a gift. Maybe some food. They enjoy small rodents.

Q) You know, my kids already seem to be getting tired of the hamster we got them for Christmas.

A) That's horrible. Although also effective.

Q) I'm just being sociable.