Catch up on this week's Corrie and Eastenders
WE'RE sorry but why would you want Sweaty Vest Windass to even take a forkful of your wedding cake, let alone make it?
Coronation Street's attempts to endear the Windasses to us simply aren't working. We think Eddie the miraculous cake baker should go and start a business with Weatherfield's last resident pat-a-cake man (so to speak) Diggory Crompton. In a place far, far away.
The sight of him passing around his floaty-light fruit cake (is fruit cake supposed to be light?) puts us right off our tea.
You'd worry about finding a long, unwashed ginger hair caught up in your fondant fancies for one thing, wouldn't you?
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Elsewhere, Blanche and Graeme were keeping us amused by discussing black and white Hollywood legends.
An impressed Audrey shook her head at Graeme.
"He's like some sort of idiot savant," she said.
"You're half right," said Blanche.
In Eastenders we were treated to a rare appearance by the legendary Mr Opodopolus, the oft mentioned but rarely seen boss of the Walford launderette.
We say appearance, but what we actually saw was a mere tantalising glimpse of the back of a pair of enormous shoulders. And this mysterious figure never spoke a word, but simply handed over a prezzie to Dot.
We'd like to imagine that the person playing Mr Opodopolus was someone really famous.
Come to think of it, he had the look of Gordon Brown didn't he? Maybe not.
Poor Dot. It would be the end of an era if she was forced to retire from her rubbish job just because she is in her mid-80s.
At least it looks like she's not going without a fight, as we hear she stages a major protest next week.
In the meantime, unfortunately, she's decided to earn a bit of extra cash by renting a room out to Libby's gran. You know. Her from Love Thy Neighbour.
It seems to be a legal requirement of anyone living in Albert Square that they rent at least one room out to a lodger. Pat, Patrick, the Slaters, the Mitchells – they're all at it.
Not sure why this new arrangement with whatshername, Liz, grates so much. We think it's the dodgy wig more than anything.
Elsewhere, it was speed dating night at the Vic. Yawn.
And needy Ronnie has become inexplicably obsessed with a bloke who only seemed interested in her when he thought she wanted her accounts seeing to.
This tedious chap also has a partner already, as we could tell by the way he was snogging someone else shortly after leaving the dullest party in the history of dull Walford parties.
It's all going to end in disaster. Again.